Someone messaged me the other day with an incomprehensible list of the worst kind of shit that had all happened at the same time. Despite this, her sense of humour remained in tact. “I love your humour and attitude to life,” she said, “so I thought I’d message you and see if you have any pearls of wisdom.” She signed off with two laughing emojis.

I am fully aware that I am woefully under-qualified to act as any kind of life-coach or therapist, but I do have a few strategies that have really helped me deal with the worst of the worst. One of them has been running a bath, pouring a large glass of Malbec while watching reality TV, burying my head in the soap bubbles and hiding until I feel energised enough to deal with the shit. But, I felt like this situation required my other go-to, the other tried and tested strategy that has never failed me.

The list.

This isn’t a To Do list or a shopping list. It’s more of a ‘Sorting The Shit Out of Everything That’s Worrying Me’ list and here’s how it works.

1. Write down EVERYTHING that plays on your mind from the biggest fucking panic-inducing clusterfucks to the tiniest niggles that tasmanian-devil themselves around your consciousness.
   

2. Then get four separate pieces of paper or clean pages and title them as follows:
   - Shit I Have Absolutely No Control Over And Cannot Influence In Any Kind of Way
   - Shit I Can Hand Over To Someone Else To Deal With
   - Shit I Can Put Of Losing My Shit Over Until a Later Date
   - Shit I Can Get On Top Of Immediately
   

3. Take your first list and sort all the things on it on to their new pages. Be brutal in your analysis of what is actually and truly in your circle of responsibility.
   

4. Now, you have four lists. I’m going to hazard a guess (if you’ve done this honestly) that the first list (Shit I Have Absolutely No Control Over And Cannot Influence In Any Kind of Way) is actually the longest. Take this list and burn that motherfucker. I don’t mean metaphorically; I mean go into the garden or your and set that shit on fire. Let it go completely and with wild abandon.
   

5. The second list (Shit I Can Hand Over To Someone Else To Deal With) will require you to sidestep your ego momentarily and acknowledge that asking for help does not make you a big fat loser. It makes you a smart and savvy human who recognises their own limits and knows the potential of collaboration. Also, you can’t do everything; it’s just not possible so get over yourself and get asking people for the help you need with the stuff you don’t have time or energy to do. Throw that list away. You don’t need it. You’ve handed over responsibility. It is no longer your weight to carry.
   

6. The third list (Shit I Can Put Of Losing My Shit Over Until a Later Date) is one you have to keep but you can put it in a drawer out of sight. Before you do that, write realistic dates at which you can tackle those things or at least start thinking about them then put that bad boy in a drawer.
   

7. The final list (Shit I Can Get On Top Of Immediately) is likely to be the shortest list if you’ve done it right. This list you keep hold of and you do that stuff that’s on the list.

I guarantee you’ll feel better. Things will feel less overwhelming and stressful. You’ll start to recognise the huge amount of stuff you carry on your shoulders that is dead weight - stuff you can do absolutely nothing about. You’ll also start to recognise how much you silence yourself when you are struggling. Fear of asking for help is an epidemic amongst women especially and we need to start tackling that.

So write your lists. Make a cup of tea, crack open the biscuit tin and get your head out of the anxiety quick-sand. You can’t control most things and you don’t have to do everything of what’s left running around your head. Get it out - the list will help.