If there’s one thing this lockdown has taught me, it’s that I simply don’t have the emotional resources to be accommodating to my children 24 hours a day. Finding your space as an adult has never been harder. Normally we are able to rely on them being at school or nursery or, if that’s not possible, our other half taking them away for a while, or a party, or a playdate, or an activity. We are out and about, we are interacting with other adults, we are being fulfilled in ways that simply aren’t possible in these days of lockdown.

When we are only spending a few hours at each end of the day with our kids, it’s hard to justify denying their response to play Paw Patrol or Lego or to just watch them do something a bit shit e.g. Mummy watch my handstand! (it’s not a handstand or even close but it is worryingly unstable and likely to land her in hospital). Now though, we simply can’t comply with every request. To do so will leave you emotionally depleted and mentally torn and it’s especially important if you have more than one kid because the maths doesn’t work when there’s one of you and two of them demanding your undivided attention. So what’s the answer?

It’s quite simple and only one word: No.

I feel a bit like telling your kids ‘no’ has become a little frowned upon. I have loads of messages from people saying, “There’s no way my kid will let me get away with that,” in response to my note telling them to have breakfast by themselves and leave us to sleep. When kids ask us to play, it’s expected that we do it when sometimes we just want to say, “I’d really rather not right now,” or, to make sure you get your point across, “No thank you.” While we are confined with our families, it’s important that the boundaries we usually rely on to be physical - school, nursery etc., - are still enforced verbally for our own mental state, but also, and bear with me here, for their own good too.

We model the behaviour that we want them to emulate and if we are always saying yes to their needs and pleasing them, is it possible we’re going to create a generation of people pleasers that simply don’t know how to decline politely for no other reason than they simply don’t want to. Because, when you think about it, that’s the only reason you need. it’s ok to just not want to do something. You don’t need an excuse; you don’t have to be busy doing laundry, or working or washing your hair; it’s ok to sit with a coffee and a magazine and say to your kids, “I don’t want to play right now. Do you mind if we do it another time?”

Not only does it show them that it’s ok to say no - and lord knows that’s something we can all benefit from - but it also encourages independent play which is such an important life skill. Don’t think it’s going to be easy at first - they’ll resist the shit out of you trying to defend your own space - but sticking to your guns means they’ll soon understand that you’re not at their beck and call and it’ll mean they dig deep and start flexing their independent play muscles and right now, we that’s definitely a skill we can all benefit from.