If you’ve been waiting to hear whether your kid got into the primary school you wanted them to get into and you’re losing your mind, then I’m here to tell you that WHATEVER happens, it will be ok. Two years ago, I was where you are: doing the primary school thing for the first time and let me tell you, we fucked it up but THIS is what I’m here to say: IT’S ALL GOING TO BE OK.

This time two years ago, I was a mess. We were waiting to be told about Billie’s primary school placement and something, deep inside me, told me that it wasn’t going to go well. It didn’t. We got allocated the school that is widely agreed to be the worst school in the area. We’d only put it on the list because we thought we had to fill in all 6 slots (you don’t), and on reflection, it was no surprise that we were allocated that school…we were almost certainly the only ones to choose it why wouldn’t they free up a space at a more desirable school if someone was actually willing to take the school that no one wanted!?

When I opened the email, I felt nothing but panic and desperation and stress all compounded by the fact that I felt I’d been the one to fuck it all up. I hadn’t done enough research on the process. I’d felt blindsided by it all and had struggled to find anywhere or anyone that could give me any info. Any information I did get was via word of mouth at a playgroup or the nursery door - it was stressful.

I don’t want to say I’m prone to catastrophising but I believed it was the end of the world and I’d ruined all her life chances by not figuring this shit out quickly enough. It was my first major parenting responsibility and I’d fucked it up royally. I sobbed all evening and didn’t sleep a wink that night and woke up determined to fix it that day. It didn’t happen. Phone lines were jammed, emails were being answered with standard robot replies and my dark fantasies of my kid ending up illiterate and unemployable were growing wildly vivid.

I decided to be open to all possibilities. I booked an appointment to go and look around the school from hell. I turned up and approached it with absolute honesty: “We’ve just found out my eldest has been allocated this school and while we haven’t heard great things, we’re here with an open mind. Please show us how fabulous your school is.” The EAL teacher was showing us around. She replied, “Erm. I’ll be honest. It’s not a great school.” Cue more catastrophising, hyperventilating and a tearful phonemail to the council.

In the end, it wasn’t a quick fix. It took a substantial amount of life admin but in the end it all worked out just as it should. After our disastrous visit to the school, I somehow managed to talk to the guy in charge of school allocations - I can be quite persuasive - and he sent me a list of all the schools in the area with a space available. “Have a look”, he said. “Choose one and let us know. We’ll register you there”. Effectively, my daughter went into the primary school equivalent of ‘clearing’ and when we received the list there was a space at a great school that we hadn’t even contemplated because we weren’t in the catchment area. I called back immediately and told them that was the school we wanted. Done. She was registered and we kept her on the list for our first choice school assuming it would come up fairly quickly.

Our first choice school didn’t come up until the end of Reception and by then, she was so settled and happy that we didn’t even contemplate moving her. On reflection, the school she’s at now is a much better school for her than our initial first choice. It’s a big school but the classes are small. It’s a four form entry but there are only 24 kids in the class - almost unheard of in a London primary school. It challenges her, the teachers are excellent and, as a family, we’ve all made great friends.

Here’s the point: what you think is the only option, isn’t the only option. The universe has a wonderful way of making you take the right route, even if it feels all wrong. Schools are never ‘forever’ things. Worst case, she would have had an average year in reception and we would have moved her for Year 1. She would have been fine. It’s not as big a deal as you think it is and once they’re at school, loads of movement happens. A few months at an undesirable school isn’t going to do them any harm and eventually, the place you want will come up. Also, unless schools are truly terrible (like the one that even admitted it when we went to see it), most school are absolutely fine and your kids will do well there because the real truth is that, as parents, we teach them more than they’ll ever learn in school and I don’t mean in a shitty lockdown, homeschooling, kind of way.

So, if you don’t get the news you were hoping for today, know this: nothing is forever, everything can be changed even if it doesn’t happen as quickly as you want it to. Let the dust settle, keep in touch with the council, push your case if you need to and keep an open mind.

Now, I’m off to see if my youngest got into the same school as her sister. I only put the one school down this time (from the ridiculous to the sublime) and I don’t mind admitting: I’m shitting myself.