NEW MUMS…THIS ONE’S FOR YOU đź–¤

Recently, lots of people have asked me why I started Not So Smug Now. It’s easy to forget. Four and a half years on, two children and two businesses under my belt, I have to stop and remind myself why I wrote that first blog post. So, partly because it’s always good to reconnect with your reason for being, and partly because (even though my kids are older and I’m out of this phase) I know there are still people finding and reading this blog who have just started out on this crazy journey we call parenting. Continue reading

THE SKINNY ON SKIN-TAGS

I know skin tags aren’t the sexiest of topics for a blog, but this is a parenting blog after all; we lost sexy somewhere between battered vaginas and poo stains. Let’s face it: pregnancy has been fetishised since the dawn of time, but if you’ve actually done it you’ll know it’s about as sexy as Boris Johnson in a pair of edible panties.  The varicose veins, the heavy labia, the dripping pelvic floor, the burgeoning, leaking boobs straining translucently through a knackered old feeding bra and branded with a road map of blue veins are not sexy. Growing a human may be bad-ass, but it’s rarely sexy. Continue reading

DON’T CALL THE MIDWIFE, WRITE TO HER…

It’s that post-Christmas pit stop; that bit between going back to work and actually feeling like you’ve recovered. The last cracker may have been pulled, the last Bailey’s necked and the last of that damn turkey curry is gone (finally) but there’s still some Christmas housekeeping that needs to be done. Continue reading

THE DAY SHIZZLE GOT REAL…

OK, so I’m at that point in pregnancy where I’m done. I’m over it. I’m hating almost every moment I have to spend being pregnant. My husband isn’t just sick of hearing me whinge, moan, groan and creak with every movement, he’s also questioning my desire for another baby. Apart from the fact that it’s a bit bloody late to be asking those questions, I’m not whingeing about the baby. I’m whingeing about the pregnancy. I’m like a four year old staring into the oven waiting (not so) patiently for the cake to be cooked. I can’t bloody WAIT for the baby to come but the cooking bit? Stick a motherfunking fork in me; I’m done. Continue reading

WHY I’M GETTING BIRTH BODY READY (AND WHY MY HUSBAND WON’T SHAVE MY VAGINA)

I gave up worrying about whether I was beach-body ready a long time ago. It’s not that I don’t care about how I look in a bikini; fear not, I’m riddled with all the usual insecurities about flabby bits, cellulite, stretch marks, varicose veins and rogue hairs. It’s just that somehow time runs away from me and before I know it I’m on the plane home and I still haven’t tackled any of the above. So, beach body? Whatever….I’ve got more important shit on my plate (like carbs, and chocolate). But, when it comes to my birth-body? Well, that’s a different story. Continue reading

HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER WHEN PREGNANT IN ONE SIMPLE STEP

Don’t worry; I’m keeping this one short and sweet but I did feel compelled to write something just in case I can help any fellow pregnant women out there who have to brave the zoo that is public transport. It can be a veritable war zone out there battling through harried commuters who are plugged into electronic devices striding determinedly down narrow walkways without a care in the world. This total disregard for the small human that you’re busily growing inside you can wind even the most placid of mamas-to-be up into a frenzied puddle of angry hormones but, here’s the thing: your pregnancy isn’t everyone’s first priority and how much can we really blame perfect strangers for not holding your impending bundle of joy in the forefronts of their mind? Continue reading

MY BIG FAT PREGNANCY

I’m 33 weeks pregnant. I think. It might be 32. To be honest, it’s the second child so I’m not 100% sure how pregnant I am. I could sit down and work out the dates, but I tend to gauge how pregnant I am by the efficiency of my pelvic floor. By those standards, I’m pretty frickin’ pregnant. Needless to say, I’m also pretty large and, while I know that my body is an amazing thing (I mean, it’s building a human atom by atom), I’m also developing a fairly complicated relationship with it as it changes…changes that are happening beyond my control. Continue reading

GO HYPNO…YOU WON’T REGRET IT

If the people who know me well were surprised I was going for a home birth, it was nothing compared to the shock they hid (with varying degrees of success) when I told them I was also going to do hypnobirthing. I was met with many slightly cocked heads, covered in polite smiles and quizzical eyes. You see, I guess they don’t see me as the ‘hypnobirthing type’. I can’t blame them…if you don’t know anything about hypnobirthing you could be forgiven for assuming it’s a bit vagina-whispery and a lot of bollocks. Continue reading

WHO IS // LAUREN DERRETT

There’s been a real revolution recently surrounding mamas. The world is starting to wake up to the fact that being pregnant, or having a baby doesn’t immediately cancel you out as a human. It doesn’t mean that we don’t like nice stuff or treats or little boxes of love that make you realise that someone, somewhere hasn’t forgotten about you. The Whole 9 Months was founded on this principle. The mama behind it, Lauren Derret, wanted to  show mamas-to-be that there was still room to make them feel special with gorgeously curated gifts for them. We’re big fans of these ‘doula boxes’ and we’re delighted to feature Lauren in our WHO IS// blog.

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