LEAVING MY KIDS IN THE CAR AND OTHER BAD PARENTING CHOICES…

You may or may not have noticed that I came under fire this week for leaving my 2 year old and 4 year old in the car for 5 minutes while I ran into the supermarket to pick up some water. It would have been 4 minutes and 15 seconds if I hadn’t stopped to eat a bag of Malteser’s first. I was hungry and frankly, I didn’t want to share them. It was only a small bag after all.  The majority of responses were supportive and took it in the manner in which it was intended: humorously. On the flip side, there were a number of people who thought I was ‘abhorrent’, a ‘bitch of a mother’ and one even reported my post and said she’d called social services.  Continue reading

WHEN SWIMMING ISN’T WINNING…

There are few ideas I’ve had that are worse than deciding to take both kids swimming by myself. Choosing to neck a jar of pickled onions during a serious case of the midnight munchies and proceeding to puke them up all night comes in a close second, along with convincing two mates to do three tequila shots before our first spin class, but swimming with the kids is definitely, definitely, the worst. Continue reading

WHAT THE CHRISTMAS CRAZY LOOKS LIKE…

I’m not sure when it happened but I know that at some point, many years ago, Christmas was about nothing else other than love, lights, laughter and lots and lots of presents. Somewhere a long the line, the shiny, sparkly stuff has faded and it’s more about sky-high anxiety levels, constant cleaning and an ever-present feeling of well, disappointment. Continue reading

I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT MARRIAGE BUT…

Remember those fairy tale movies we all saw which ended with a beautiful princess-to-be walking down the aisle to marry her prince? Remember how, despite our niggling voice of realism, we all kind of looked forward to the day when we would get our own fairytale? I mean however your vision of your fairytale looked, the end result was still the same. We all (more or less) thought we’d end up marrying the love of our life and, as the old saying goes, live happily ever after. Continue reading

WHAT I’VE LEARNT SINCE I BROKE UP WITH BOOZE…

It’s been four weeks (a little over actually) since I gave up booze. For a whole month plus two days I haven’t touched a drop and, in all honesty, I haven’t found it too hard. This probably has something to do with the fact that I scared myself shitless and keeping the memory of that feeling close to me means that turning a drink down is easy peasy. But, there are times when it’s more difficult and after a month without booze – the longest I have ever gone since I tasted my first drink – there are a few things I’ve learned… Continue reading

SCHOOL DAZE

I’ve come to realise that this parenting thing is a steep and oh, so constant learning curve. We never have it nailed. Just as we get them sleeping, we need to get them eating. Then they need to walk and talk and before you know it you’re trying to convince them to use a toilet rather than curling down a turd in the middle of the local library (true story). None of this is easy; it keeps you on your toes and, in moments of quiet reflection (read: rocking back and forth in the corner asking, “When will this be over?) you’ll wonder if you’ll ever be able to rest easy again. Continue reading

MARIAH’S NAKED TRUTH

Let’s face it…when we think we could use a little parenting advice, Mariah Carey is not the first person that springs to mind. While I’m sure she’s a perfectly competent parent, she’s not exactly from the land of Normals. Despite this, the internet crumbled with consternation when she recently admitted she won’t let her four year old twins see her naked. Cue the crazy. Continue reading

I WANNA SEX YOU UP (BUT I’M A BIT TIRED)

How hard is sex these days?! I mean really. I’m amazed that anyone ever has another baby. Not because of the crying or the lack of cash or sleep but because finding time and energy to have actual real-life sex is so, so, so hard. Deciding to have sex is like waking up at 6.00am, hearing the rain piss down outside, anxiously checking the monitor and breathing a sigh of relief when the Small is still sleeping and thinking, “I know, I’ll get up and go for a run.” It’s just that, when you’re so tired and busy and well, really really tired, there’s just a million other things to do first. Continue reading