The summer holidays are here. With the same impending doom and inevitability of death and taxes, the summer holidays roll around before any of us are fully ready for them, and this year’s 6-week kid fest is likely to be pretty tough.

Overseas holidays are tricky and expensive, staycations are hard to book (and expensive) and there’s still the overhanging cloud of concern around the pandemic that’s hanging around like a groupie at the stage door.

It’s very easy for us to look at all the magical memory making other people are doing and feel bad about what we are able to achieve during this period. It may be work that makes it hard, financial restrictions, logistics with blended families or split families…either way, what other people are doing during the summer holidays should be none of your business.

I know it’s easier said than done. It’s easy to feel like your movie marathon followed by the eleventy billionth trip to the park feels like a sub-standard attempt at entertaining the crotch goblins but trust me, it isn’t and nor should it be.

Kids are hard. Life is hard. Work is hard and shit is expensive. In the last 24 hours I’ve looked at booking tickets to the Harry Potter show in the West End, the Harry Potter studio tour and Alton Towers and all of them hit the £200 mark for the four of us. That’s ridiculous. It’s just not feasible. Instead, we’ve booked camping for four nights at a cost of £165 and we’re right by the beach on the south coast. Compared to the other things, that’s amazing value and I know the kids will absolutely love it…as will we.

So, here’s a list of shit that I’ll be doing with the kids that doesn’t cost very much money and is still more than instaworthy when it comes to memory making (not that we should give a shit about that, but some nice pics of the summer are always good to send to the grandparents.)

Dinner picnics in the park are excellent. Whip up some pasta pesto, or fish finger series, or stop at the chippy on the way. Take a box of wine, a speaker, a blanket, a football and a frisbee and position yourself near the playground. Feed the kids and send them off to play. If you’ve got a lake or a river or the ocean near by even better.

YouTube have some amazing drawing tutorials which our kids will do forever. Takes at least 30 minutes (more than enough time for a power nap or a shower) and you can take some ‘crafty’ pics to make Perfect Patty on Instagram happy.

Buy some litter pickers on Amazon and get the kids out walking with them. My kids hate walking unless they have a job to do and if they get their own ‘tool’ to do it with, even better. Plus, you’re helping the environment, contributing to your community and if that doesn’t please Perfect Patty then who knows what will.

Photo scavenger hunts are also great for getting them out walking. We give them our phone and a list of shit they need to take pictures of e.g.

• Nettles

• A crisp packet

• A dog

• Water

• A dog

• An insect

• A bike

• A fallen leaf

• A spider web

• A hidden treasure

…you get the idea.

We’ll also be setting them up with weekly zoom calls with the grandparents who are under strict instructions to read them stories and play games with them for 30 minutes. They’ll also ask the kids to read to them as well. We’ve also sent them some questions they can ask the kids so that the kids don’t do that weird quiet thing when they suddenly don’t have anything to say. Questions like, ‘What was the best thing that you did today?’, ‘What are you most looking forward to at the moment?’, ‘If you could be one of your favourite TV characters who would it be and why?’

I’ve also bought them small journals and a pen each and they have to complete it every day. Wherever we go and whatever we do, they have to find something to take home and stick in it. So, when we went to the cinema, they stuck their ticket in. If we go to a restaurant they have to ask if they can take a menu or a business card home. They also have to write at least 3 sentences about their day and then draw a picture. They really enjoy it.

There’s heaps more and I’ll share them but really, the message I want to convey is this: it doesn’t have to be flashy and expensive and over the top. They like the small things as much as the big things. They respond so well when they think you’re involved too - even if you’re not really. They just want something to do…it doesn’t have to cost a fortune.

This summer is going to be tough but work smarter not harder. Don’t worry about what Perfect Patty is doing. Just take pictures of the small things, the fun things, the little things. Your kids think you’re wonderful.