I want to talk about rage. Specifically road rage. In the dictionary, road rage is defined as, ‘sudden violent anger provoked in a motorist by the actions of another driver.’

But here’s my definition: ‘sudden violent anger provoked by an acute sense of vulnerability when another driver forces us to consider the worst case scenario.’

I have pretty bad road rage. I’ve genuinely worked hard to try and manage it and in doing that, I’ve tried to understand it. Why, when I am genuinely committed in my life outside of my car to peaceful resolution and discussion, do I lose my shit when I’m driving?

And here’s what I believe: when someone drives badly or forces us to make a decision to avoid danger or hurt, it becomes blindingly clear to us (subconsciously) that we are incredibly vulnerable when we drive a car.

I know that technology has improved and that cars are safe, but the reality is we are putting our life and our passengers’ life in the hands of a tin can on wheels and pushing it around the country at speed, alongside a gazillion other strangers. All of us have stress, pressure, things on our mind, stuff playing on the radio, kids screaming in the back. We are inadvertently putting our trust in every stranger we come across while driving a car. But, we are all capable of being human while we are driving and making a mistake in a split second and that split second can be scary. Terrifying.

And our worst reactions and decisions come from a place of fear and that’s what road rage is. A fear reaction. An instinct.

In the last letter, I talked about waiting for your second thought, your second reaction, but it’s not so easy in a car. Everything is too quick, everyone is too far removed. We feel frightened enough to fear for our lives but safe enough within the confines of our car to lash out. It’s like the internet trolls: they feel triggered enough to fear for their own belief system but safe enough to lash out from the comfort of their keyboard.

I haven’t mastered my road rage entirely but the concept of it has helped me understand why I want to lash out in other situations. My life may not be in immediate danger, but things I believe to be true might be and it feels deeply uncomfortable when our beliefs and values are challenged - they are, after all, the bedrock upon which we base our decisions and choices.

So, this isn’t really about road rage. I’m sure you already figured that out. But it’s a little bit about road rage.