Cake or Death?

If you’re familiar with Eddie Izzard you’ll know about his famous ‘Cake or Death?’ sketch. I’m reminded of that sketch almost every morning when I wake up although my options are slightly different; I’m living in a comedy (of-errors) sketch entitled ‘Bored or Exhausted?’ and guess what? You probably are as well.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Eddie’s sketch then you should get up to speed now and watch it here (otherwise this blog won’t make any sense at all).

Just like ‘Cake or Death?’, ‘Bored or Exhausted?’ is just as easy to answer: Exhausted please and make it snappy.

While the thought of a day in the house, with the Small, pottering around, watching some TV, playing some games, jumping around in the garden all sounds great in your Pleasantville-style daydreams, it never quite turns out as homely in real-life. Let’s not forget, Smalls have two settings: asleep or moving really fucking fast and, when you’re managing the ‘moving really fucking fast’ bit for ten hours a day there’s only so much garden, reading, block building you can do before the both of you are literally ripping your eyes out and roasting them on the radiator from boredom.

OK – I’ll admit it…there’s only so much I can do before I’m ripping my eyeballs out from boredom and counting down the hours until it’s acceptable to drink gin. Yup. I’m THAT mum.

So, even when I feel tired in a ‘walking through mud with lead boots on’ kind of way, I would far rather slap myself awake, inject the coffee, pack a bag stuffed with nappies, adventure sandwiches, toys, cash and snacks (NEVER forget the snacks…I did that once. It ended with an abandoned shopping trolley full of food and an accidentally shoplifted bottle of water) and get the hell out of home.

You see, even though staying at home may disguise itself as a ‘rest-day’, it’s actually harder work. It’s nothing short of torture to be THAT close to your bed but not able to get into it. Staying in your jammies just feels a bit shameful when you can’t go balls-deep into a slob day and team it up with a tub of ice-cream, a duvet and Keeping Up With The Kardashians on the TV. Plus, finding exciting and engaging things to do in your own house is nothing short of impossible when the Small has dedicated her existence to getting where water can’t – there is literally nothing she hasn’t seen before. In short, it’s harder and boring.

But, if you can just shake yourself off and get you and your Small out of the door – have a coffee with a friend, go to the park, go into town shopping, take the Small swimming, EVEN go to indoor soft-play – the day will fly by, neither of you will be bored and you’ll forget how tired you are (and by the time you remember, your Small is in bed and it’s time for gin). The Small has a better time because it’s new and it’s not the same rug, in the same living room, with the same toys. So yes, it’s exhausting but it’s not boring.

Be tired, be cranky, be anything…but don’t be boring.

Bored or Exhausted? Exhausted everytime.

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