Are You A Dad-Shamer?

Ladies, I love you all. You know I do. You know I’m all about shouting about how freakin’ fabulous we all are but there is something that we are all doing to varying extents that’s starting to make me feel emotionally itchy.

Mommas…it’s time to stop ‘dad-shaming’.

We’ve all been a part of that conversation. You know, the one where women sit huddled around laughing about how useless their respective partners are. I’ll hold my hands up and admit it – I’ve been part of that conversation. I’ve sat there and joined in while we all laugh about how amusingly rubbish our other halves can be at looking after the baby, cleaning the house, cooking the food etc. but you know what? It’s time to stop.

After a conversation with a fellow momma today, I realised that we really are the very first generation where, between many couples, the baby-responsibility is split 50-50. Granted, it’s easier for some couples to do this – take us for instance. We are both self-employed which means that we can sit down at the end of each week and plan the next working week out. Between us, we make it work. I understand that’s not the case for everyone.

But even to those mommas who are at home on maternity leave, I say this: how cool that you got that year off WORK to look after your baby? It wasn’t so long ago that we couldn’t even consider having both a career and baby and while it means that it isn’t 50-50, that’s not exactly the baby-daddy’s fault, is it? I’m betting, if he’s a half decent human being existing in the twenty-first century, he’s desperate to spend all his free time with your little one when he can?

I spend most of my blogging energy trying to make us all feel ok for doing the very best job we can. When baby-daddies have to go out and earn money, they may not be taking 50% of the responsibility when it comes to the baby, but they are doing their very best to be everything that their new family needs. Neither you, nor him, are doing a perfect job but bugger me…you’re both doing an AMAZING job and making it work.

And that’s what it comes down to – all the two of you can possible do is make it work for you. I hear mommas talk as if it’s us against them. Your team isn’t made up of all the other NCT mommas, or the playgroup mommas or the mommas at the school gates. Your team is made up of you and your baby-daddy and that’s what I think it would do us all good to remember.

I’m as guilty of anyone of dad-shaming because, hey, it’s all in good fun, isn’t it? Well, not always and take it from me, dad’s can get pretty pissed off about it.

So, here’s me, kneeling at the altar of baby-daddies and saying, ‘You guys are doing an awesome job.”

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